Recovery Poems, Quotes, Writing, Art, Music
Castlewood would like to provide a space for clients recovering from eating disorders to share poems, art, writing, music, or any other creative endeavor that has helped in your recovery process. In the newsletter which will be sent to all Castlewood alumni, Theresa is asking former clients to submit to her things which have helped them stay connected to Self, passion, motivation, and the recovery process. She plans to create a recovery book to share with current Castlewood clients. If you would like to share your work or the work of someone else in this book, please email it to theresa.chesnut@castlewoodtc.com.
We would also like to create a space on the website for anyone to share your own or others poetry, quotes, writing, art or music that have helped you in your recovery journey. If you have a testimonial about your recovery process that you feel would help others, we would love to hear that as well. Please feel free to share in the comments section anything that has helped. If it is art work, please feel free to email a picture of it to deanna.james@castlewoodtc.com. I now know how to attach it below.
Thank you so much for sharing your creative endeavors with Castlewood.
This is a poem about my recovery process…
8/21/08
Reality Bites
What’s this fear you have of letting go
This fear of moving on?
Why not cede this mad, tyrannical game
In which you’re an ambivalent pawn?
It grips every part of your body and brain
It pins down your spirt as well
You’re bound by the rules your own mind created
This is your custom-built hell
You want to do better, you wish that you could
So in comes your treatment team
All this will help, you say to yourself
All is in place– so it seems
You convince your new doctors, your family, and friends
That THIS time you really will try
You’re completely sincere– in that moment at least
It’s the most honest kind of lie
Sometimes you’re working, surrendering more
And then it’s not just for show
But other times when you say that you’re trying
“Trying” really means “No”
Most of the time what you’re aware of
Is the reality that you are faking
But there’s always the undercurrent of
The mistakes that you are making
But can I really call them mistakes?
No that’s not what they are at all
For each time that I hit a crossroads
I CHOOSE to stand up or fall
But that choice never felt like a choice before
I couldn’t see it for what it was
I let my conscious Self fade away
To possessed by my precious chaos
The statements I’ve heard about healing my life
Over and over again
By people that I know mean very well
But the redundancy made my head spin
“You’ve got to stop puking, you’ve got to start eating
Don’t worry, you won’t get fat
There’s no reason for cutting and why all the pills?
Please stop this and start that”
I know that you love me, I know that you care
But you know that I’ve heard this before
What’s so special about this time?
I’m still not alive at my core
THAT’S where my work is– of this I am sure
THAT’S what I have to explore
That place has been shut up for too many years
It’s time that I tear down that door
I have done much to focus and learn
But it seems there is more work to do
It’s all about choices, and struggles for power
And seeking out what is true
Apparently there is only one way
To stop picking wounds that are sore
It’s to live in their pain and discomfort
Until they don’t hurt anymore
© Sarah Henderson 2008
This is a poem about that ambivalence that’s there in early recovery…
2/16/05
Limbo
It’s so very easy, not hard at all
To stay on this fence, to sit on this wall
On this tightrope you balance and try not to fall
Turn deaf ears to the crowd, as on both sides they call
Teetering this way then tottering back
“Sure, I’m moving forward”; “No, I’m way off track”
Look to your left, then look to your right
You can’t stumble now, not at such a great height
There’s so much at stake here, including your life
It’s all so complex, the decision is rife
With answerless questions, unsootheable fears
Frustrating rages and unbewailed tears
But as long as you stay on your safe little line
You don’t have to grow up or learn to define
Control versus chaos, disease versus well
Life versus death, or earth versus hell
But your heart starts to pound as you hear the clock tick
Time’s running out now and you have to pick
What ever you settle on, just keep in mind
That when one path is chosen, one’s left behind
© Sarah Henderson 2005
This is a poem about the therapeutic process…
10/10/04
Once More, Into the Breach
I come here week after week
We talk about present and past
I try to open my mind
Find answers to questions we ask
I pause at the door to this room
Where memories lay raw and exposed
To enter’s to fall back in time
To analyze all I’ve disclosed
We trouble the waters of Self
And stretch the boundaries of my mind
I stumble through tunnels of grief
Then out of the depths I must climb
Touching in, then pulling back
Is the only way I can survive
The images flooding so fierce
The emotions that I have revived
This process is a long, winding path
Which only the brave will travel
It’s the path that leads me out of darkness
So I may let my future unravel
© Sarah Henderson 2004
Thanks so much for the wonderful poems that articulate the recovery process. You do have to be vulnerable and face the pain, but then you can experience the joy that life holds! Great work!
This is about a concept of recovery in general, recovery from anything: eating disorder, trauma, addiction…it’s about the process of coming alive after suffering alone in the disease.
4/15/10
Falling Awake
Suddenly the world is wide open
I find I’m no longer confined
To the tiny hell I had constructed
The walls I’d been hiding behind
I’m moving into something unknown
This is so unfamiliar, this light
Compared to the darkness I’m used to
I was blind and now I have sight
I’m baffled by all of this beauty
The vibrance and movement out here
The feelings I’m feeling are frightening
In fact, all I’ve known is fear
But now my senses are stirring
With new and intriguing sensations
Sometimes if I let myself breathe
I touch in on momentous elation
After so long I’m finally here
Though of course, the change came with pain
It was worth it to finally find freedom
The losses don’t compare to the gains
It’s a little like falling awake
Coming out of a hypnotic sleep
There’s a chasm between dying and living
And I’m ready to take the leap
© Sarah Henderson 2010
Thank you, Deanna!
The Road To Recovery
Tough times lie ahead,
Rough journeys are all i see,
Rocky roads lie ahead of me.
Reliving some events is frightening,
Letting go of emotions is hard to do,
But “you have to learn to trust” is what they’d say,
And once i do that i’ll be on my way.
My E.D. has a strong hold on me,
Its hard to know that i CAN live without it,
For 17 years it has been my protector,
But once i can defeat it, i can move forward a bit.
There is a light at the end of this deep, dark tunnel,
A dim, shimmering beam of light,
And if i keep fighting my way through,
I will put an end to this horrific fight.
I WILL BE FREE–my mind no longer occupied with distorted thoughts and empty feelings,
FOR THEN MY LIFE WILL HAVE SOME MEANING!!!
kim eilers, august 2005
IN RECOVERY PROCESS June 15, 2007…
How do you post artwork?
You can post art work by taking a picture of it and sending to deanna.james@castlewoodtc.com. I will get it posted on here for everyone to see. For some reason this will not let you submit pictures as attachments, just the administrator.
Thank you soo much for posting my artwork Deanna
I love your work, Kim. I hope more people star posting soon!
I posted 2 videos about recovery that a client created. I will post more as I figure out how!
I keep a blog about what it’s like to be recovered, hoping that people will read it and begin to believe that recovery from an eating disorder really is possible. I do not list weights or behaviors but focus on the present–what its like to live in recovery and what it’s like to undertake that process of discovering who you are. I’d love it if you shared my link. If you don’t mind, I’m going to put your blog in my blogroll.
“Body without spirit is a corpse. Spirit without body is a ghost.” -Marion Woodman
5/26/10
My Belly: A Poem of Love and Hope
This belly that I used to despise
I underestimated it’s potential
I used to think it superfluous
But now I know it is essential
This belly I once believed horrid
Is now valued as my core
I once believed I could live without it
But that belief is no more
This belly is there for a purpose
It holds many amazing things
It allows me to breathe and digest
It allows me to speak and to sing
This brave belly can bear children
It can wear any clothing with pride
It feels no shame for it’s being
I gratefully don’t make it hide
It’s the center of my physical being
The somatic anchor for my soul
And this belly is finally free
From the tyranny of my control
I love this “my Belly” poem. You know I think that connection to the core of your body is key to being connected to emotion and thus Self. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you Deanna!!
his poem was inspired by that poem “Imagine a Woman.” I wanted to describe the kind of woman I hope to be; the kind of woman I hope I am.
6/17/10
Honorable Woman
I am an honorable woman
I live in an authentic way
Honesty suits me well
You can trust that I mean what I say
I am an honorable woman
I know when to walk away
To not take less than I deserve
If it’s not right than I won’t stay
I am an honorable woman
I am loyal to those close to my heart
Love is what gives life its meaning
Even when we are apart
I am an honorable woman
I hold myself in respect
I treat others how I wish to be treated
I never abuse or neglect
I am an honorable woman
I’m accountable for my actions
I’m responsible for my part
Of my personal interactions
I am an honorable woman
I stand up for what I believe
I want to change the world
And I don’t think that is naive
I am an honorable woman
I have faith that things will work out
I believe that God’s on my side
Even when I am in doubt
I am an honorable woman
I work as hard as I can
To maintain the standards I hold
I will not be controlled by a man
I am an honorable woman
I have a powerful voice
I use it without holding back
To proclaim my freedom of choice
I am an honorable woman
My love is both tender and fierce
I will love through pain and desire
I will love through laughter and tears
I am an honorable woman
Who continues to learn and to grow
I am an honorable woman
And should be regarded as so
© Sarah Henderson 2010
Thank you for putting this website together. As someone on the journey of my own recovery from PTSD, etc. I appreciate resources such as these that can ease the journey a little and let someone know they are not alone.
I would like to offer my account for use in support of people going through the recovery process. We have grief and recovery cards that assist people on their journey to healing.
http://www.SendOutCards.com/Eden
You are welcome to call me if this offer isn’t clear.
Peace and Blessings!
Eden Grace
310-738-3772